whatshouldwecallme:

see ya pals!

gpoy

(Source: mrkeatonhenson, via pizzzatime)

“Hello. I’m a Wes Anderson character, as far as I am aware. I do everything very precisely and I’m sort of kooky and I have trouble expressing myself emotionally. You might see me around, standing in front of things symmetrically. You might also notice that I have a very odd hobby, but that I am perfectly integrated within suburbia and although I might look out of place to you, it’s only because you are without an artistic soul, that you do not understand me. I am going to sit down now and after a purposely awkward silence, I am going to listen to Wes Anderson’s iTunes playlist, which has been hounding me throughout the motion picture that I am in”.

bbrownsugar:

Sleeper, Dir. Woody Allen

(via thisisthehorrorshow)

Sure Max, thanks for writing in.

What Max is suffering with is not uncommon in young adult male humans. It’s called, “being a gigantic massive wanker” and what it means is that when you try and do anything or interact with anyone, it will usually be horrible.

Now, “being a gigantic massive wanker” can be caused by one of two things. The first is of course your upbringing - if your parents are both idiots, chances are that you’ll be a massive wanker; that’s just science.

The second cause can be less easy to pinpoint. Frequently it is a mixture of narcissism and a desperate craving for attention, in the same person. As such, the subject loathes every detail of themselves, yet can’t help forcing that same self on everything around them. What causes this phenomenon?

Professor Cool of Cool University has linked this to the same occurrence we see when someone does a massive poo. While it’s inherently disgusting, due both to the size and smell, the poo-ee is also somewhat proud of what they’ve done - they don’t like the poo, but they also want to show people how massive it is. In the same way, “being a gigantic massive wanker” is like being a “massive poo”.

Only you can’t flush a massive wanker down the toilet. So what’s the solution? Fire? Melodramatic declarations of misery and loneliness? Or a quiet retreat into solitude and taking up smoking to usher in a quicker eventual death for the subject? The answer could lie in working a lot harder.

Studies at Cool University showed that test subjects became a lot less like gigantic, massive wankers when they were put in contact with hard work. The subject became so consumed and exhausted from doing horrible, menial tasks that they simply didn’t have the time or energy to be so painfully inward looking, needy and self-analytical. While their misery showed no signs of abating and indeed increased in some cases, the subject did become more grounded and less of a shallow drain on the brink of society.

Having said that, the occurrence can also be prevented by the subject conversing less with gigantic idiots.

-This was an extract from Cool Alumni, the magazine for alumni of Cool University.

i shouldnt have enjoyed this but obviously i did

(Source: welcometothegrandillusion, via cartoonology)

pizzzatime:

pluspluspetite:

jewrato:

i made this awhile ago, just rediscovered it. iiiiiii like it

also, pizzzatime made the hair look nice

“I COULD CARE LESS” IS NOT A PHRASE THAT MAKES SENSE, AMERICA. IF YOU COULD CARE LESS, THEN THAT LEAVES AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF CARING THAT YOU COULD STILL DO BEYOND THE POINT THAT YOU CURRENTLY CARE. WHAT YOU MEAN IS THAT YOU “COULDN’T CARE LESS”, BECAUSE YOU ARE LITERALLY AT YOUR LIMIT, THIS IS THE MINIMUM AMOUNT OF CARING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO, RIGHT? Ahem… sorry. Tbh, I could care less.